40 Things Learned by 40 Years Old

I thought “40 isn’t that big of a milestone”, I should wait till 50 or some other time to share the things I’ve learned.

And I remind myself that tomorrow is not guaranteed, so JUST DO IT.

Over a three part podcast episode, I celebrated turning 40 by sharing 40 things I’ve learned…

40. Identify what makes you feel alive

What truly makes you feel alive shouldn’t be a rare event; it’s what should fill your days. People often drift through life without recognizing their passions. That’s why I swear by the self-discovery that comes with solo travel. There is no faster way to learn more about yourself SO fast.

Through my own travels, I’ve come to realize that life’s too short for “someday.” Don’t wait to take the trip. I used to travel to NYC alone at least one weekend a month for years. It doesn’t have to be to some far and foreign place.

And once you start to get to know yourself, start to write down ALL the things that make you feel REALLY ALIVE.

And make a point of doing those things… regularly.

39. Reconsider your relationships

It might be time to break up with some people.

There comes a time when we must evaluate our personal inventory—not just the tangible clutter in our homes but the relationships that fill our lives. Inspired by Marie Kondo’s philosophy of tidying up, I’ve come to realize that organizing isn’t just for drawers and closets; it’s for the people we surround ourselves with as well.

The quality of our life is profoundly impacted by who we let in, making us the ultimate gatekeepers of our own social spheres.

Mel Robbins once said that the length of a friendship doesn’t necessarily equate to its strength. Time spent together doesn’t automatically mean a relationship is beneficial or fulfilling. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but longevity doesn’t always mean a relationship is still serving its purpose in our lives.

It took a pivotal moment for me—stepping away from my previous marriage—to understand the importance of this. As I navigated through that transition, I found that not everyone around me was supportive or understanding of my choices. It was then I learned that sometimes, relationships need to be paused, or even ended, to protect our own well-being.

This isn’t to say that we should abandon relationships at the first sign of disagreement. However, it’s crucial to periodically hold each relationship up to the light and assess how it makes us feel. Is it supportive, loving, draining, or perhaps indifferent? This isn’t just a mental exercise but an emotional one. Let the people you care about know their value in your life. Expressing love and appreciation strengthens bonds. Conversely, it’s just as important to recognize when someone’s role in our life has run its course.

The decision to ‘break up’ with someone isn’t easy, but it’s sometimes necessary and often times, can be the biggest weight off your shoulders.

37. Stop “shoulding” yourself

EVERYONE has an opinion about what you “should” be doing. It’s easy for the voice in our heads to constantly be telling us what we “should” be doing as well.

In a world of WAY too many “shoulds”, do we ever really ask ourselves what we REALLY want in life?!

So, let’s flip the script. Instead of listening to the shoulds, why not tune into your own heart and gut?

They’re usually right. Forget about the car you should drive, the milestones you should have achieved by now, or the possessions you should own. These societal benchmarks are arbitrary at best. The job, the 401(k), the title—these things will likely be there tomorrow, but your current passion and opportunity may not.

37. Love yourself, respect yourself, treat yourself, laugh at yourself

Loving yourself means treating yourself with the same kindness, respect, and patience you would offer to a beloved friend. It’s about laughing at your own jokes, relishing your own company, and enjoying life’s journey with yourself as your favorite travel partner.

Whether I’m exploring new destinations or simply spending a day at home, I’ve learned that the most fulfilling relationship I have is the one with myself.

36. Realize you aren’t perfect, and that’s perfect

In our quest for flawlessness, it’s crucial to ask ourselves, “When did we last achieve absolute perfection?”

Ouch, right? I can’t think of a single time I was ACTUALLY “perfect” or did something “perfectly”.

The idea of perfection, especially in the digital age, is often a barrier to productivity and creativity. I’ve reached a point where I openly admit in emails, “I didn’t proofread this.”

It’s a declaration that what I’ve done is “good enough,” and good enough truly is sufficient. We live in a society that mistakes ‘good enough’ for mediocrity, when, in fact, it is a practical form of excellence.

Reflecting on my career as a content creator, with hundreds of videos across various channels, not one of those creations is without flaws.

If I had been hellbent on perfection, I would have been paralyzed, likely never publishing a single video. The pursuit of the unattainable would have stifled all productivity. Recognizing that none of us is perfect – and that this imperfection is what makes life genuine and relatable – is a critical step towards contentment. I’ve renounced perfectionism because I detest the limitation it imposes. Embrace your imperfections, as they are indeed perfect in their own right. Let go of the unachievable and watch how your life expands into a more joyful and authentic existence.

Want to HEAR or SEE this post? Check out the full video below!

35. Speak your mind

Speak your mind – it’s a privilege we have in America that shouldn’t be taken for granted. In my experience, both in urban corporate settings and personal life, I’ve learned the value of honest expression. Whether it’s calling out something wrong or declaring love, it’s crucial not to suppress your feelings.

Always remember, speaking your mind can shape your life in unexpected and fulfilling ways. It’s easier said than done. But like badassery, when practiced regularly, it gets easier over time.

34. Say what you mean and DO what you say

In a world where authenticity seems rare, it’s essential to say what you mean and do what you say.

The world is filled with pretense. Especially on social media. I constantly find myself saying “Where are the REAL ones?!”

Life’s too short for that.

33. Know your circle

Understanding and valuing your inner circle is crucial. I’ve learned that it’s far better to have a few people who genuinely love and care for you than to be surrounded by many who are indifferent or just want to take advantage of you.

Quality trumps quantity in relationships.

It’s important to hold each close friend in your heart and assess if they truly belong in your life. While I strive not to let anyone down, my focus is especially on not disappointing those in my inner circle. Recognize who the ‘real ones’ are in your life, cherish them, and make sure they know how much they mean to you. Remember, we’re not promised tomorrow, so it’s vital to express our feelings today.

32. Know you have a FINITE number of F*s to give

Learning to value your time and what you care about is a crucial life lesson. In my 20s, I had an abundance of energy and willingness to help others, often saying yes to every request. However, I’ve come to realize that our time is finite and precious.

We all have just 24 hours in a day, and it’s vital to spend it on things we truly care about. Now, I am much more specific about what I devote my time and energy to. It’s essential to know what matters to you and to allocate your time accordingly, rather than spreading yourself too thin.

Remember, being selective with your commitments is not just wise, it’s necessary.

31. NO ONE is watching you. In fact, most people don’t care about you

Most people aren’t watching you as closely as you think. This is especially true in my experience as a content creator. Despite having hundreds of thousands of viewers each month, I’ve realized that the fear of judgment and self-consciousness is often unfounded.

Take a simple example: do you really notice what others wear or how they look when you’re out at a restaurant? Chances are, you don’t.

We often worry unnecessarily about our appearance and actions, thinking others will care, but in reality, they’re mostly focused on themselves.

Remember, you are your biggest critic, and most people are too involved in their own lives to pay much attention to yours.

30. You are a reflection of the 5 people you spend the most time with

You’re a reflection of the top five people in your life. This truth became clearer to me as I grew older and chose my circle wisely.

For instance, my rapid improvement in pickleball wasn’t due to prior experience in racket sports, but because I frequently played with and learned from better players, including my skilled sister.

In content creation, I thrived not just by interacting with peers but by engaging with more successful creators, absorbing their techniques and insights. This approach propelled my growth, even during challenging times like the pandemic. The lesson here is clear: the people you surround yourself with shape you. They can elevate your skills, broaden your perspectives, and reflect the person you aspire to be.

So, cherish and acknowledge those who positively impact your life, and remember, the company you keep is a mirror of your own growth and aspirations.

29. Don’t ever figure it out

It’s not fun when you do. Life is an adventure that is ever-changing. When I DID have a 5, 10 or 20 year plan, it was one of the most depressing periods of my life.

28. Understand what IS and IS NOT in your control

Focus on what IS in your control. Understand what it isn’t.

27. Stop complaining

Literally NO one wants to hear it, and it doesn’t help your situation. If anything, it keeps you in the wrong mindset to overcome a situation.

A lot of people think they are part of the solution by “identifying the problem”. No. That doesn’t do jack sh**. Solve the problem, and if you’re just identifying it, chances are, you’re just complaining and it’s helping NO ONE.

26. Whatever you do, don’t make a decision in a panic

In fact this is the WORST time to make a decision.

25. Don’t add excitement and fire to a negative conversation

It’s too common and too easy to “one-up” someone else’s bad day or bad experience. But have you noticed that this negative spiral doesn’t LIFT anyone up?

“Oh THAT happened to you? Let me tell you THIS story”… is the beginning of NOTHING that improves the world.

WATCH the podcast version of this blog post!

24. We think it’s about money, but it’s really about freedom of time

Money is a tool, but freedom of TIME is everything.

I know too many people, with TOO much money, and ZERO time to do anything with it. What kind of life is that? Some of the MOST financially wealthy people I know are the POOREST people I know.

There is nothing more sad than someone I used to spend a lot of time with – she wore her jewels and wondered why her family didn’t love her. She had no hobbies, but busied herself with her belongings. It was an unfilled life, not even the top shelf wine she drank herself to sleep with could fill her cup.

23. You NEVER KNOW what’s really going on with a person

That person who just cut you off in traffic might be racing to the hospital to have a baby. Or that person having a bad day might be… just having a bad day. You don’t know. Give some grace, don’t assume anything about anyone.

I was traveling so much and so fast, I couldn’t move. Literally. I would lay on the couch physically unable to move from stress and exhaustion. I went to the Bahamas to overcome burnout…

22. What people feel inside is what they show to the outside world

Don’t assume it’s you. It’s often them. Actually it’s always them.

I used to think a prominent creator was giving me helpful criticism. It took me too long to realize she was just being mean. When I dug a little deeper, I realized her self hatred ran DEEP. The hate she had on the inside, she shared with the outside. I was just an (un)lucky recipient.

21. Love harder

It ALL comes down to love. Period. We are humans – we are meant to be with other humans. Community, love, it’s what life is all about.

20. Stop questioning why you feel a certain way and just feel it

There is no reason to involve your brain in something your heart (or gut, or body) is feeling. Just feel it!

19. Wear sunscreen

No, seriously.

18. The world will mirror what you give it

The energy you put out to the world is what you will receive.

17. You’ll find what you’re looking for

Good or bad in a situation, as long as you’re tunnel vision on finding it, you will. Don’t forget our perception is our reality.

16. Cherish the place you call home

It’s more important than we think, and should be given the thought, love and attention it deserves.

15. How you feel about your age is in direct proportion to how you will age

Breaking the Age Code was a fascinating read. Stop thinking aging is a bad thing. Most people do.

14. Understand what feeds and drains your energy – then build your life around that

Within what’s in your control, focus on bringing more things into your life that feed your energy and lift you up.

13. We can re invent ourselves over and over

You’re never too late or too old to get started.

12. Start everyday with gratitude

We have SO MUCH to be thankful for.

11. Dream bigger

We all dream way too small. Check out Mel Robbins’ for more inspo.

Listen to the audio podcast of this blog post!

10. Identify, then get closer to your fears

Too many people spend too much time being afraid of something they later realized “I don’t know why I was afraid of that”.

10. Learn to Listen

Wait is there two “tens”? Yah why not. It’s like a double high five. Twice. You’re welcome.

Listening goes beyond just hearing words. It’s about being fully present, putting away distractions, and truly engaging with the person speaking. I’ve found that this deeper level of listening not only helps me connect with others but also allows me to understand their underlying messages and emotions. This practice has been instrumental in building stronger relationships and finding my tribe.

9. Show Up

Being present and showing up, both physically and mentally, is crucial. Whether it’s for a social event, a new experience, or just a daily commitment, showing up opens the door to opportunities and growth.

It’s easy to get caught up in routines or hide behind screens, but real life happens when you step out and engage with the world.

8. Live Your Own Life

Living according to others’ expectations is a recipe for dissatisfaction. It’s essential to pursue what makes you genuinely happy, even if it means making significant changes.

My journey from a seemingly perfect life on paper to a more fulfilling one was about taking ownership of my happiness and making choices that aligned with my true desires.

7. Understand What Makes You Happy

Happiness comes from knowing yourself and what brings you joy. This understanding often requires trial and error, as well as spending time alone. Solo travel and personal reflection have been invaluable for me in discovering my own sources of happiness and designing a life that aligns with them.

6. Have More Patience with Yourself

Patience with oneself is vital. We can be our own harshest critics, but it’s important to cultivate a kind and patient inner voice. Whether it’s dealing with physical changes or business challenges, approaching situations with patience allows for better problem-solving and personal growth.

5. Travel Alone

Solo travel is not just about exploring new places; it’s about exploring yourself. Traveling alone gives you the space to think, dream, and understand your own needs and desires. It’s a powerful way to gain clarity and direction in life.

4. Don’t Expect Others to Be You

People are different, and expecting them to think and act like you can lead to disappointment. Embracing these differences enriches your interactions and reduces frustration.

Understanding that others have their own perspectives and experiences is key to maintaining healthy relationships.

3. Remember that Life is Incredibly Short

Time flies, and life is fleeting. It’s important to make the most of every moment, to laugh more, and to live without regrets. Don’t wait for tomorrow to pursue your dreams or enjoy life—start now.

2. The Energy You Give to the World is the Energy You Get Back

The energy you put out into the world often comes back to you. Approaching life with positivity and openness can lead to amazing experiences and connections. Whether it’s through travel, social interactions, or daily activities, your energy shapes your reality.

1. Fall in Love with Yourself

Loving yourself is about appreciating who you are, including your strengths and flaws. It means being proud of your achievements and compassionate with your mistakes. When you love yourself deeply, you can build a fulfilling life and attract the right people into it.

Listen to the audio version of Part 3…

Bottom Line

40 learnings. By 40. Catch the episodes below….